Bread and Circuses

Consumer alert: the NFL says it needs a salary cap to maintain competitive balance.

In the NFC four teams lost 41% of all the games played. Balanced? Reality. The cap has one purpose: to hold down salaries. From the standpoint of competition, the cap creates great playoff races and lousy playoff teams. Meanwhile, Joe Sucker pays a king’s ransom to see teams play who have little financial incentive to get better.

Speaking of Joe Sucker, hear the one about his cousin Player? With a career span somewhat shorter than an insect in a fly swatter factory, he signs contracts knowing he’ll never see all the money. Cuts for “cap purposes” are out of control, cheating both fans and players alike. Come 2012, this may be one instance where both are well served by a strike. On the “buy low, sell high” theory, shouldn’t we all jump on the Detroit Lions bandwagon now? I’m thinking of dumping all my Cowboy fan stock. Not entirely accurate. I’m thinking of dumping it on my way out of a window. Somewhere Bill Parcells is smiling, having known it would come to this. Had Parcells stayed he would have made a quarterback out of Tony Romo. Now #9 is a pampered child whose head is rubbed as he breaks all the furniture.

Maybe the Yankees won’t win next year. Baseball is a game of outs, taken and given away. Posada, Jeter, Cano, and Damon leave the Yankees very weak up the middle where key outs can kill rallies but a slowly turned double play can prolong them. New York will be much better, but maybe not the best. Meanwhile the Mets imitate generals throughout the ages by acquiring weapons to fight the battles of the last war. The bullpen which lost the last war is no longer a threat. But neither is the batting order. But the money it would take to land a bat will have to bring in at least one starter. As Willy Shakes used to say, “treble woe”.

Or you could be an Oriole fan. There aren’t many of us, but we’re friendly. We introduce ourselves at the meetings. “Hi, I’m Dudley and I’m an Oriole fan.” Admitting that we’re Oriole fans should be a step toward recovery. It’s not.

Thought about going to see a Charlotte Bobcats game this week. Then again…the seating chart shows $100+ for any seat which doesn’t require you to bring bottled oxygen for the hike up. As much as I yearn to see the ghost of Juwan Howard’s potential dragging it’s chains across the hardwood, I think I’ll pass. This however, does explain why 6,000 people come to each game dressed as empty seats.

Why are so many NBA coaches getting fired?

In part because they have little or no leverage on players. Owners have a need to do something, and the NBA salary structure and cap restrictions make it difficult to make needed roster changes. Firing the coach doesn’t make things better, but it does make the pain go away for a moment. Who will go first in the 2009 NBA draft? Better question. Who can’t you wait to see play in the NBA? Someone, anyone? Don’t say Tyler Hansbrough. Scouts have him well behind Hasheem Tabeet. I have no idea who that is, but if you’re behind him it doesn’t bode well.

The NHL?

I’m fired up about the New Year’s Day game at Wrigley Field between the Red Wings and Blackhawks. No snow, though, but lots of wind. Not sure how that will affect the puck, but it sure won’t help the players any.
Hold your hands up if you knew the Celtics were 28-4. Thank you. Now, keep them up if you knew the Bruins were 27-5-4. Think that’s a problem for the NHL? You got that right. Bigger problem. Let’s say I give up on those Bobcat tickets and decide to drive to Raleigh and see the Hurricanes. Any seat that doesn’t require a telescope is $70, and the good seats are $200.
Pass.

Drive carefully out there.

Let me get this straight.  The reason the Cowboys and Jets aren’t going to the playoffs, and the Eagles and Colts are is “character” So says Jason Whitlock.

Nonsense.

Whitlock puts various NFL teams on the operating table in his column and diagnoses as clubhouse cancers the likes of Terrell Owens, Brett Favre, Larry Johnson, and Ocho Cinco. Then he turns on his TV and discovers Andy Reid and Donovan McNabb are Andy Soprano and Donnie Walnuts, Tony Dungy and Peyton Manning are Batman and Robin.  Here’s a TV analogy for you. Jason Whitlock is House writing his own prescriptions.
What is character?  Evidently it’s winning. Win you have it, lose you don’t. Then you’re left with a problem.    How did Owens and Favre get to Super Bowls?   How did the Bengals overcome O.C.’s attitude long enough to win 11 games in 2005?   Why did the 4-3 Chiefs drop 9 straight in 2007 when Johnson went down to an injury? And why, come to think of it, did the New England Patriots drop to 11-5 this season?   Must be that clubhouse cancer Matt Cassel. You laugh?   That’s the point.   Take out Brady and put in a less talented Cassel and it works out to be a difference of probably three wins.   Let Owens get old and he doesn’t catch as many passes.   Let Favre’s aging arm lose strength and you suddenly get treated to defensive backs signaling fair catch under his passes.   Ocho Cinco pulls a hamstring and he becomes less productive.    Larry Johnson, I’ll give Whitlock.   Getting arrested four times on various assault charges and being suspended by the league probably didn’t help the Chiefs.    But suppose Johnson had been a model citizen.   Suppose he played every game hard, was a model of clubhouse decorum, and helped little old ladies across the street.   Then the Chiefs go what, 4-10 instead of 2-12?
Talent wins in the NFL.   Keeping your roster healthy for a whole season puts you in position to win games.  Coaches making the right calls win.   Having a GM who doesn’t spend money on duplicate parts, leaving you with a backup quarterback with the arm strength of a Keebler elf makes a difference. Blocking and tackling wins games.
So does speed.
And well run routes, kicks that run true, and players who don’t jump offsides. But character?    I’m willing to bet there are some bad individuals in the Eagles locker room.   And some guys Tony Dungy wouldn’t take home to meet the family.   Just as there are solid citizens on the Cowboys and Bengals. What Whitlock calls character is also called good coaching. Where a tone is set, expectations are communicated, and smart decisions are made on who comes to play and who is drawing a check and wasting a roster spot. Tony Dungy has that. Andy Reid, for all his problems, appears to.   Wade Phillips and Jerry Jones don’t.   Tony Mangini probably thought he did, but it counts for little when your QB has an old arm and an older history of throwing into coverage.   Herm Edwards does by reputation, but not results.   Marvin Lewis doesn’t, but the Bengals management isn’t interested enough in winning to figure that out.
Jason Whitlock has character.   But that’s not why I read his columns and respect his writing (most of the time).    It’s because he once called Mike Lupica “an insecure, mean-spirited busybody.” That’s not character, that’s perception.

Friends, fellow Texans, Cowboy fans, lend me your ears
I come to bury the Cowboys, not to praise them
The evil that Jerry Jones has done will live after him
And Romo’s confidence is interred in Philadelphia’s turf

Please let it be an end with Jones
The chattering orifice Owens,Hath told you Romo was incompetent
If it were so, it was a grievous fault
And grievously hath the offense answered it

Here, under leave of PacMan and the rest
For PacMan is a horrible mess
So are they all, all horrible messes

Come I to speak at Dallas annual choke
They were my team, faithless stars of dust
But Jones says Phillips is a good coach
And Jones is one facelift away from being the white Michael Jackson

Jones hath brought many guys named Williams and Jones to Dallas
Whose ransoms did the salary cap fill
Did this in Jones seem even to him wise?
When that the receivers have cried, T.O. hath wept

NFL players should be made of sterner stuff
Yet Jones says Owens is indispensable
And Jones is a self-imagined GM
You all did see that in December

The Cowboys thrice were presented a chance at the crown
Which they did thrice refuse
Is this a team?
Yet Jones says the pieces are in place

And, sure, he designed the cheerleader outfits
I speak not to disprove what Jones spoke
But here I am to speak what I do know
We all did love them once, not without cause

What cause withholds you then, to mourn for Dallas?
O Super Bowl! thou art fled to Giant beasts
And Garrett has lost his genius
Bear with me My heart is in the smoking shards of my HDTV

And I must pause till the bleeding stops

Outrage is fleeting. Sure, we all say we’re upset with the Yankees signing Teixeira, Sabathia, and Burnett   But what are we going to do about it?

Nothing.

We’ll talk about not going to games. Then we’ll go. But is there really nothing we can do about the Yankees plundering the free agent market? Not at all. There are positive steps we can take.

1. Boycott all products of George Steinbrenner’s shipbuilding company. Once it becomes obvious the readers of Fox Sports Blogs are taking their industrial barge business elsewhere it is just a matter of time until the Yankees are brought to their knees.
2. C. C. Sabathia weighs in at around 290. Fans who happen to run into him should ask if he has lost weight and then offer to buy him an extra cheese pizza.  Or six. With any luck he should be up around 335 by spring training and have the arm speed of Jamie Moyer.
3. Report the Yankees as a possible domestic terrorist organization.
4. Tell investigators Brian Cashman has been overheard discussing blowing up Yankee Stadium. When the stadium is actually destroyed it’s only a matter of time before the chief architect of the Bronx Buyers is in Guantanamo.
5. Release endangered species in the Yankees new stadium. Once the grey faced sengi, which bears a remarkable resemblance to Scott Boras, is found nesting in the outfield the EPA will be forced to cancel all Yankee home games.
6. Set up Alex Rodriquez with an over the hill pop singer. Oh wait…
7. Arrange for Plaxico Burress to give a firearms safety lecture to the Yankees during spring training.
8. Take up donations to buy out Stephon Marbury’s contract from the Knicks and get him a job managing the Yankee clubhouse. “I’m just saying Derek, it doesn’t look to me like they respect you.”
9. Order $423.5 million worth of pizza and have it sent to the Yankees.
10. Join an Italian American organization and demand the Yankees rehire George Costanza.
11. Encourage the State of New York to pass a vowel tax on pro athlete’s salaries, with the rate set at the percentage of vowels in their surname. “Now, then Mr. Tiexeira, that comes to $11.3 million a year.”
12. Call Al Sharpton and report the Yankees as an Aryan front organization with deep pockets and a weak legal team on retainer.
13. Have the governor of New York appoint Caroline Kennedy second baseman.

The truth is none of this will be necessary. The best laid plans of mice, men, and empires all have ways of coming a cropper.  Sometime in August when Sabathia is doing his best Barry Zito imitation, Burnett is on the DL bass fishing in the Yankees whirlpool, and Tiexeira is hitting .260 with 18 HR and wondering why people in New York are so unkind, we’ll look back on this and laugh and laugh and laugh some more.

strongThat LeBron James uis/u The Candy Man.nbsp; /strongbr /br /And we don’t care.br /strongbr /Tim Tebow is the LeBron James of college football./strongbr /br /An all you can eat buffet of media overexposure.br /br /strongOklahoma is the number one team of football playing sociology majors in America./strongbr /br /The OU football program is to OU academics as fish are to trees.br /br /strongSteve Spurrier could make a big difference if Auburn hires him to replace Tommy Tuberville.br /br //strongHis enlightened quot;four strikes and you’re possibly,kind sorta, maybe, outquot; drug testing policy should be a big hit around the athletic dorm.br /br /strongJerry Jones lost the Cowboys season when he blew the backup quarterback money to sign Zach Thomas./strongbr /br /Who Dallas didn’t need.br /br /strongPlaxico Burress is almost as good as Terrell Owens imagines he is./strongbr /br /And has pulled the Giants season down around him.br /br /strongCarolina and Pittsburgh are the two soundest teams in the NFL at this point in the season.br /br //strongBut neither of them is going to the Super Bowl.br /br /strongThe Yankees overpaid for C.C. Sabathia and A.J. Burnett.br /br //strongAnd will eventually force a strike, then a salary cap, both of which will hurt baseball badly.br /br /strongThe Mets will own the 8th and 9th innings with Putz and Rodriquez.br /br //strongBut when you go into the 8th down 4-2 it won’t matter.br /br /strongThere are people in this country who know who the winningest team in the NHL is.br /br //strongWe call them Canadians.strongbr //strongbr /br /br /br /br /br /br /br /br /brbra href=”http://community.foxsports.com/blogs/Dudski/2008/12/12/We_Hold_These_Truths_To_Be_Self_Evident#comments”No Comments/a