Bread and Circuses
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Archive for April, 2007
April 30, 2007 at 5:27 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
George Steinbrenner’s gunslinging days are history. When it comes to firing managers he’s gone from being the horrific glowing Hound of Baskerville, to a toothless yard dog sitting on a porch watching a cat parade with one eye open and one eye shut.
Joe Torre, at last check, is still employed as manager of the once majestic Yankees. The deck chairs are sliding off into the ocean and it’s a matter of time before the old gal rises up out of the water, takes a look around, and plunges into the churning foam of the American League East.
So why not at least fire a rocket (or Torre) and hope for rescue? Read the rest of this entry »
April 28, 2007 at 9:31 am · Filed under Uncategorized
What will happen in the draft? Same thing that always does. Half of what we think we know is 75% wrong and 63.29% of what we are right about flies out the window after teams start trading draft picks. Which has never stopped us from predicting in the past and won’t now.
Brady Quinn will be the #1 pick by Oakland. The JaMarcus Russell talk is all a smoke screen. Yes, he can throw a pass seventy yards. But there aren’t any teams that have the 70 yard pass in their playbook. More is unknown than known about Russell, which makes picking him #1 a big risk. Also, you can also believe that teams look at Russell and see Daunte Culpepper and Akili Smith. It may be racial, it may be wrong, but it’s reality.
Someone will trade up for Calvin Johnson. We’re talking a once a decade player. Tampa Bay might be that team if they believe the Lions or Browns would beat them to the punch. Then again, teams within reach, like the Washington Redskins at #7, might be able to make the leap. Read the rest of this entry »
April 27, 2007 at 7:39 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
Post by Bread and Circuses
They say the wheels of justice grind slowly, but grind they do. Today Kirk Radomski, a former New York Mets clubhouse employee has admitted to providing dozens of current and former major league players with anabolic steroids, human growth hormone (HGH), and amphetamines.
Radomski has cut a deal with prosecutors to save himself from up to 25 years in jail and a half million dollars in fines for distributing controlled substances and money laundering.
Although it may appear that little progress has been made in investigations into baseball and steroids, you begin to see a pattern emerging. It looks like the MLB investigation, lead by ex-senator George Mitchell, has been pushed to the sidelines because federal agents are in the process of rolling up distributors and users. Dominoes are falling now with some regularity. Read the rest of this entry »
April 26, 2007 at 7:25 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
Post by Bread and Circuses
When the smart guys start talking economics there’s usually trouble. They tell Bobby Lee the economy has gone global, but not to worry because he’ll ride to glory on the information super highway. A year later he’s down by the off ramp with a card board sign. Miscalculations happen.
It’s that way with NASCAR. A few years ago the Tour La France saw the future, and emphatically declared that the future did not say “y’all” or work in the manufacturing sector. Words like “redneck element” slipped up from under uplifted noses. Small tracks lost their events, a photogenic “new breed” of racers replaced the lean and hungry Carolina boys, and big shops and big money took over.
Most of these changes were inevitable to various degrees. There was an opportunity to expand the sport’s fan base, and the product was as popular as it had ever been with over 75 million fans. The big name drivers who fueled the sport’s growth were aging out and there was money to be made away from the traditional fan base. Progress happens. Read the rest of this entry »
April 25, 2007 at 7:58 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
Post by Bread and Circuses
Ready…set…go
It’s alive! Larry Brown has come back more times than the guy in the horror movie who always rises up after being shot, stabbed, chain sawed, and blown up 32 times. Appropriate that the Grizzlies are after him. Grizzlies should be after him, and after anyone who thinks he can coach today’s players.
It’s not surprising that the Lakers are down 2-0 to Phoenix. It’s surprising that anyone is suprised that they are. The most interesting question about LA is who the complimentary player to Kobe Bryant eventually will be. You don’t win with just one superstar in the NBA, you must have two. Right now the Nuggets, with Anthony and Iverson have a much better shot at a title than Phil Jackson’s Lakers.
Speaking of Phil Jackson. How old is this guy anyway? When I was young (and Edison was working on electricity) Jackson had already been with the Knicks for 10 years. He was the lamest power forward of all time. Nice guy, great work ethic, but there was nothing much there. Read the rest of this entry »
April 23, 2007 at 5:36 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
http://www.sportsline.com/mlb/story/10145426
(A sunny day in the financial district in Atlanta. It’s 80 degrees outside. A young professional is approached by a man wearing a suit underneath an implausible looking trench coat and sun glasses. He chews on a cigar as he talks.)
(Man in overcoat) "Hey, you. Over here. You’re a sharp dresser, a man about town, but you’re missing something. Braves season tickets. (opening coat to display twenty or so hanging ticket packs). $3,984 for 81 games, right over the dugout. I’ll put you down for two, cause I can tell, you’re a happening guy. Got it going on with the ladies."
(Young man) ‘Aren’t you Skip Caray, sir?’
(Caray) "Keep it down, keep it down. I’m trying to do business here, junior. Respect the suit. Respect…the…suit."
(Young man) ‘Yes, sir. Sorry, sir. It just. That’s alot of money, and I don’t have that kind of cash..’
(Caray) "Who does? Did I say anything about cash? Look, you’re a nice kid. Remind me of myself when I was your age, right before Mr. A made me his lieutenant. You got potential and the Braves like potential. We can get behind you on this thing. Give me a grand now, we finance the rest."
(Young Man) ‘You can do that?’
(Caray) "From your mouth to Schuerholz’s ears. Of course, just don’t spread it around, because my boss, he might not be quite so understanding as me. Capice?"
(Young Man) ‘Well, they did beat the Mets in New York…’
(Caray) "See, I knew it . You’re a good kid, just like my boy Chip. Tried to leave the family and set up for himself in Chicago, but he came back. They always come back. Just sign here and don’t worry about those back pages, it’s just tax information from the State of Georgia or something. I don’t know from it."
(July, in the same park.)
(Young man) I’ll pay it back, honest I will, I was just late on that one payment. Please, make them stop following me. Last night I swear I saw Otis Nixon sat in a car in front of my condo until 2 a.m. That guy gives me the creeps. I had to talk my girl friend out of calling the cops.’
(Caray) "Smart move, kid. It would be a shame if Miss Penelope Evette Leroux Cobb Jeffers of 4987 Peach Oak Park Honeysuckle Lane Drive in Decatur were to be struck by a bat or other flying object the next time you two were sitting in Section 109 seats B13 and B14. Young Mr. Franceour has not quite learned the importance of maintaining a firm grip on the bat handle, and accidents do happen. If you look at your ticket, you’ll see the organization has no liability in these cases. As for Mr. Nixon, I have no knowledge that this individual of whom you speak, who may or may not have formerly been employed by the Atlanta Braves, is even still in the State of Georgia. I will testify to that effect in the event of legal proceedings, which, I might add we would look upon with extreme displeasure."
(Young Man) ‘I’ll get the money’.
(Caray) "Sure, you will kid. By the way, John Smoltz talked to that company in Houston you that offered you a job. Smoltzie and I were thinking you’re at least 10 large away from being ready for that sort of move. You’ll thank me later."
(Young Man) ‘But, the tickets weren’t but $8,000 total.’
(Caray) "You….. will…..thank….me……later."
( August. Skip Carey paces nervously in the 102 degree heat as the young man talks to an old gentleman on a park bench. Nearby Andruw Jones swings a 38 ounce bat. There is no ball field within five miles. In the distance a dog barks.)
(Old man) "Hotter n’ Atlanta, son, hotter’n Hot Lanta. Now, Skippy over there tells me there’s been some misunderstanding about the $19,000 you owe us. Now, we’re just going to walk over nice and easy to that snow cone stand that Mr. Lemke is standing by and you’re going to hand him $10,000 and he’s going to hand you an orange delight and a note for the remaining $14,000. Now, let’s get along, I’m starting to bleach out here in the heat."
(Young Man) "Mr. Cox, I just owed $7,000 to start with and now I’m living in the back seat of my car and Chief Knock-A-Homa keeps tapping on the windows with a tomahawk and I haven’t slept in days and my girlfriend won’t return my calls and my parents don’t understand about the money I’m asking them for and…"
(Cox) "Son, when Soriano is getting his behind whooped in the 8th do I pick up a phone and call you to tell you my troubles? Under the circumstances I think we’ve been more than fair. (puts his arm around younger man). Now, if I just forgot about what you owed us, how would that look? I got Willie Randolph trying to muscle in on our territory already? No siree. That’s not how it works. Why my own best friend, Leo Mazzone, sat beside me on the bench all those years, I couldn’t overlook his debts. You know how he sort of rocked back and forth all the time?
(Young man) "Yes Mr. Cox, sir."
(Cox) "He didn’t used to kid. He didn’t use to. Just sayin. Now, you go buy that freezie thing from Lemke, I’m getting out of here. (Yelling over to Caray). For crying out loud, Skip, get McDowell over here with that darn car. You’re about useless, you know that?"
(September 15, an executive suite overlooking Turner Field. The young man is shoved into a room with a distinguished older African-American man with an engaging smile.)
(Older man) That’s just fine. Just fine. You have a seat over there and we’ll have a nice talk. I do so enjoy meeting the younger generation. Sometimes they don’t understand the sacrifices and trade offs us old folks have made to arrive at our position in life. Sometimes, all they need is just a little talk. Something tells me you’re that kind of kid.
(Younger man) Let me just say, sir, it’s an honor. To think I’d be meeting Hank Aaron. Like I told Mr. Cox and Mr. Caray, I can get another job, and I’ve sold my car, and…
(Aaron) Now, this isn’t that kind of talk. It wouldn’t be a friendly talk if we brought up that $63,000 you owe us. No, I think that can all be worked out.
(Younger man) You don’t know what a relief it is for me for me to hear you say that. Thank you, Mr. Aaron, thank you, I just.
(Aaron reaches under desk and pulls out a bat). "Enough. You know what this is, young Mr. banker? This is your ticket out of debt. It’s 33 inches long, made of fine Kentucky ashe wood, carefully aged. A master craftsman used years of training on a finely balanced lathe to carve it to a shape that would slice through the air at a high rate of speed and drive through any object it struck with explosive force.
Tonight you will pack this in a carry on bag and fly to San Francisco, California. When you arrive you will be met by my Mr. Caray who will ensure that at 10:25 just as a certain gentleman, who is attempting to take from me that which is rightfully mine, gets in a limo you will approach him, striking him on the left arm with sufficient force to cause him grievious injury. Do we understand each other?"
(Younger man) ‘Ye….yes Mr. Aaron.’.
(Aaron) "That’s just fine. Now you run along and if you’d be so kind, please send Mr. Diaz in. He has badly mangled two consecutive bunt attempts, and I may have to send him on a little trip to Baltimore. Thanks for stopping by and you have a nice, nice day.
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Original post by Bread and Circuses
April 22, 2007 at 7:29 am · Filed under Uncategorized
Post by Bread and Circuses
Wondering what to get your sports fan son or daughter for a graduation gift? Totally insensitive to the point that you’d buy a sports themed item you wanted for yourself as an anniversary gift? Have unresolved childhood issues and want to settle some scores on Mother’s Day? Then you might want to consider:
That would be your official Cincinnati Bengals shot glass collection. I’m searching now to see if they also have Bengals bail bond forms (pre-printed for various offenses on team stationary), the official Bengals Breathalyzer, or a Bengals handgun holster.
The Atlanta Hawks toss pillow is a perfect gift.
For those one or two times a year the Hawks somehow get on TV. Your Hawks fan will have something to throw at the old flat screen that won’t do any real damage. They can also bite on the edges and sob uncontrollably.
The Cubs tie is a multipurpose gift. It shows loyalty, optimism, and faith.
Hopefully, after your family reports that they haven’t seen you since Carlos Zambrano’s last start, the paramedics will cut you down from it in time.
LeBron James proposed that the Cavaliers use these balls at home games. It eliminates any confusion about how the offense is supposed to run. Commissioner Stern said he would consider it, but had to wait for his bosses at Nike to run it through Legal.
They thought about doing one of these for Larry Hughes, but there is a manufacturing defect and less than 40% of his would go through a regulation basket.
Here’s a real collector’s item. It’s just like the one Duante Culpepper wore on the Dolphin’s sidelines last season:
As an Orioles fan I’m thinking about getting this next item.
You’ll notice the sleeves tie together in the back. That way, come July you won’t be able to harm yourself.
The Ladanian Tomlinson Chargers clock has a unique feature:
It automatically stops in late December, just like the Chargers do.
The Phoenix Cardinals had this helmet made especially for Matt Leinhart and now you can own one too:
The helmet also serves as a popcorn and snack tray, so that the ex-USC bar star can come straight to the game from the local Hooters and not have to change for work.
This is an official Ohio State Buckeye wall clock. So authentic that it is stopped (like OSU’s basketball program) at the precise moment Greg Oden announced his decision to enter the NBA draft.
Finally, this item is labeled as a North Pole Buffalo Bills tailgate table. It comes with special rubber no-skid leg guards, so that when the nether regions do actually freeze over and the Bills go back to the playoffs their fans can be assured of a safe tailgating experience.
April 21, 2007 at 8:06 am · Filed under Uncategorized
Four A.M. on the Bronx Parkway Friday morning. The police stop a Range Rover for doing 77 in a 45 mph zone. Inside two men, one of them a 21 year old New York City basketball legend, now a Boston Celtic. And a .45 caliber pistol under the front seat.
Sebastian Telfair is cooperative, but neither man owns up to the gun. Both are charged with a second degree felony for weapons possession. It will sort itself out, just like the time when Telfair carried his girlfriend’s loaded Smith and Wesson onto a Portland Trailblazer’s charter flight. Or, when he had a $50,000 chain stolen from his neck at a restuarant belonging to P. Diddy.
An unidentified Celtics executive says Telfair will never wear the green again. He probably won’t end up wearing orange, either. The odds, in fact, are less than those of Telfair hitting a shot from the floor. Those are about 37%.
They made a movie about Telfair, now 21, when he was in high school. He was already a legend. The next big thing. Or, in this case, small thing. Telfair is six foot tall and had never played a day of college ball when he was drafted in the first round and given a $7.5 million contract. The NBA money sounds impressive, but it was only half what Addidas is rumored to have given to “sponsor” him.
You might think Telfair has bad judgement. You might wonder what his thought process is. How anyone could throw away so much money so carelessly. How anyone could take that kind of risk.
Telfair is 21. Danny Ainge, the Celtics GM, is 47.
Ainge traded guard Dan Dickau, center Raef LaFrentz, and the 7th pick in the 2006 NBA draft to get Telfair and center Theo Ratliff, who played two games this season before going down with a bad back. Portland swapped the draft pick for Brandon Roy, who averaged 17 points, 4 rebounds, 4 assists, and shot 45% from the field this season.
Telfair averaged six points and 3 assists per game and shot 37% from the field. No surprise, considering that in three years he’s never shot 40% and never averaged more than 9 points or 3 assists per game.
So what did the Celtics and Addidas pay all that money for? An illusion. The illusion that raw skill translates to production without work. That flash equals potential. That you can put $23 million dollars into a teenager’s hands and that they will use the money and the fame that comes with it wisely.
Put yourself in Telfair’s place. You’re given all that money and asked to disconnect from the people you grew up with. You have all that fame and you’re expected to stay away from night clubs and hip hop celebrity. You’re barely an adult, but you’re supporting agents, girlfriends, family, hanger-ons, and keeping an eye out for people who are not only envious of you but who might want to take a shot at you. It’s hard to feel sorry for Sebastian Telfair, but at the same time it’s not that hard to understand him.
The NBA is dying from the inside out. It no longer controls it’s own image or destiny. The league pays insane salaries to it’s players, but the shoe companies pay more. Those companies are marketing image. Sometimes their interests and the team’s overlap, sometimes they don’t. The quality of play isn’t as important to Addidas and Nike as the intersection of celebrity, sports, and marketing.
When the latest “Dream Team” crashes and burns, the executives at the shoe companies aren’t bothered. How did their guys look? Did the backing track on the website video sound OK? Did the guys capture just that right mix of thug and resolution as they stared grim faced into the camera? Who cares if our guy’s team lost, or if he gave up 35 last night? How did he look?
In a war for teenager’s sneaker budgets Sebastian Telfair is just collateral damage, the cost of doing business.
As for me, If I were the Celtics I’d keep Telfair. Nobody is going to give you anything for him, and nobody is cancelling season tickets because some kid got arrested at 4 a.m. in Yonkers. Maybe somewhere inside Telfair the desire to put his natural ability to use will push him to learn and grow within the system.
Maybe someday Sebastian Telfair will be Sebastian Telfair. Unfortunately, maybe he already is.
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Original post by Bread and Circuses
April 20, 2007 at 8:26 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
A few weeks ago I talked to a friend I hadn’t seen in awhile who works for Virginia Tech. We’re both sports fans and the conversation turned to the school pride and loyalty of that school’s fans. ACC schools playing host to Tech routinely raise the price of tickets knowing the folks in Blacksburg will buy their allocation of tickets and more. I told him a Tech road game was the college football equivalent of a Grateful Dead concert, equal parts performance and floating party.
It’s hard to describe the atmosphere around Virginia Tech football. It’s not just that Coach Frank Beamer has put some great teams on the field. Hokies show up not just for the team, but to be around each other. You get a sense that they feel like part of something bigger than themselves, something special. And they are.
I had the day off Monday and was headed for Home Depot when the news came on the radio. I literally felt sick, and immediately thought of a beautiful fall afternoon in Chapel Hill when I had watched UNC and Tech from the visitors side. I came to the game a Tarheel fan and left feeling like I had spent an afternoon with old friends I didn’t know I had.
For all the hours of coverage of the recent tragedy, that’s what you don’t get a feel for. Why Virginia Tech is something more than just another push pin on the map of America’s college campuses.
Tech was, and will surely be again, a happy place. Hokie fans are, without a doubt, some of the funniest people on the planet. While most of us consider maroon and orange a dubious fashion choice they wear it, paint it on themselves, and even festoon their cars with it. And they do it gleefully.
I have a favorite pre-game hangout in Chapel Hill, the obligatory bar-b-que and ribs place. Before the game I drove up and noticed fresh orange paint all over the place, like strange crescent crop circles. Inside were some Hokie fans, laughing over who knows what. When I finished and went back to the car, there they were holding spray cans of orange paint and trying again to paint their shoes. I suspect some drinking had taken place earlier in the day because they kept missing and laughing harder every time they did.
At the game I found myself surrounded by Hokie fans. Where the Carolina season ticket holders I normally sat next to had gone, and how the Tech followers got their tickets is still a mystery to me. But soon I knew all the newcomers by name, where they came from, what they did, and what the students among them studied. I didn’t have to ask, they just sort of took me in.
The Hokies I sat with were an impressive lot. Contractors, engineers, veterinary students. It wasn’t like being around people from elite universities who spend time contemplating life. These people were engaged in living it, and making the world a better place for the rest of us.
On the field it was a close game, much closer than the Tech fans expected. They cheered as hard when things weren’t going well as they did later when the tide turned in their favor, and didn’t have an unkind word for the opposition. They even tolerated my cheering for UNC, although they took more than a little delight in needling me about it.
At the end of the game we wished each other safe drives home and they headed back, most of them to Virginia. To the Shenandoah Valley, a place that seems light years removed from the violence and madness the rest of the world so routinely has come to expect.
When you think of Virginia Tech, think of this. A place you would be happy to send your children, an institution you would be proud to be a part of, and people who care about each other and the rest of the world. With all the twisted images of the past week, those are the ones I will hold onto.
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Original post by Bread and Circuses
April 19, 2007 at 5:13 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
The NFL today would neither confirm nor deny that seven of the top ten rated picks in the April 28 draft had admitted to not using drugs. “We would like to emphasize the league respects that statements made by JaMarcus Russell, Brady Quinn, Joe Thomas, Adrian Peterson, LaRon Landry, Levi Brown, and Leon Hall during interviews with our teams were made in strict confidence.”
“The thing you have to understand”, said a veteran scout, “Is these statements cover a specific vulnerable period of time in these young men’s lives. Kids in college sometimes experiment with not doing drugs, but that doesn’t mean they won’t ever. Some of these kids went to school in places where it’s hard to score, some come from unbroken homes and haven’t had the benefit of bad influences in their lives, and frankly some are just pumped up geeks.”
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