Bread and Circuses

The Baltimore Orioles panic sell off of Eric Bedard should be a lesson to Oriole fans.  Sometimes you have to rebuild and think of the future.

Imagine this conversation.

(Orioles ticket rep)  "We see you haven’t renewed your season tickets yet.  We’re excited about the upcoming season and hope that…."

(Orioles fan)  I won’t be renewing my tickets, I’m rebuilding. 

(Orioles ticket rep)  "I don’t understand."

(Orioles fan)  You should.  Didn’t Andy McPhail say trading Eric Bedard was a move for the future?

(Orioles ticket department)  "Yes, Sir, we’re very excited about the trade for Adam Jones.  We think in a few years he’ll be one of the most exciting young players in the league."

(Orioles fan)  When Mr. McPhail said that it just made so much sense to me.  The Orioles are like my bank account.  I don’t think my money is going to turn into good seats this season.  You guys won’t be able to get out of last place in the AL East and I won’t be able to get out of the upper deck.  But if I hold onto the money I was going to spend on Orioles tickets it might develop into something bigger.  Like money to buy Redskins tickets.

(Orioles ticket rep)  "But what about this season?"

(Orioles fan)  Oh, I think you’ll lose 95 games.

(Orioles ticket rep)  "No, I mean your tickets."

(Orioles fan)  You mean the tickets to see the Orioles lose 95 games.

(Orioles ticket rep)  "Yes, I mean no.  I mean you want to get in on the ground floor as the Orioles get ready to return to their glory days."

(Orioles fan)  Back when they had great pitching?

(Orioles ticket rep)  "Yes like Palmer, McNally, Cuellar, and Dobson."

(Orioles fan)  I don’t think so.  You can’t even afford one good pitcher, let alone four.

(Orioles ticket rep)  "But TIllman might be the next Eric Bedard!"

(Orioles fan)  But you already had an Eric Bedard?

(Orioles ticket rep)  "He was young and talented and would have left in two years anyway."

(Orioles fan)  But why would he leave?  You just got through telling me how great things would be in a few years.

(Orioles ticket rep)  "But, if we didn’t get rid of Bedard how would we ever find the next Bedard."

(Orioles fan)  The one you just traded?  Seems to me if you kept Bedard,  you could have developed the next Adam Jones.

(Orioles ticket rep)  "But Jones isn’t ready yet."

(Orioles fan)  But you want me to buy tickets to see him now?

(Orioles ticket rep)  "Yes!  So, you can be in on the ground floor when the Orioles magic returns!"

(Orioles fan)  When?

(Orioles ticket rep)  "In three years."

(Orioles fan)  So call me then.

(Orioles ticket rep)  "When?"

(Orioles fan)  In three years.  Are you new at this, you sure don’t seem to understand how this rebuilding stuff works.  Can I ask you a question?

(Orioles ticket rep)   "I don’t think so.  Not unless it’s about seats."

(Orioles fan)  It is.

(Orioles ticket rep)  "OK."

(Orioles fan)  Since you’re rebuilding with cheaper players would my seats be cheaper this year?

(Orioles ticket rep)  "No, there will be some upward price adjustments."

(Orioles)  So you can afford to not pay Eric Bedard what he was going to make three years from now?

(Orioles ticket rep)  "No, yes, I don’t think I said what you thought I meant when you said what I said in response to what you were saying."

(Orioles)  Are you on some kind of medication?

(Orioles ticket rep)  "NO.  I AM JUST TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW WE ARE RAISING PRICES FOR CHEAPER PLAYERS IN ORDER TO REPLACE THE ONES WE CAN’T PAY WHO ARE GOING TO LEAVE US ANYWAY AND GO PLAY FOR THE YANKEES OR RED SOX AND WILL DEVELOP INTO PLAYERS WE WON’T BE ABLE TO AFFORD IN THE FUTURE.

WE’RE GOING TO LOSE THIS YEAR, AND NEXT YEAR, AND THE YEAR AFTER THAT.  WE’LL NEVER WIN AND WE’LL NEVER LOWER YOUR PRICES AND I AM NEVER GOING TO BE ABLE TO SELL ANY HORSE FEATHERS TICKETS TO SEE THIS HORSE FEATHERS TEAM. 

I’M JUST TRYING TO MAKE A LIVING.  BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOO………………"

(Orioles fan)  I’m sorry I upset you.  Sure, I’ll buy some tickets.

(Orioles ticket rep)  "You will.  That’s great.  Look, I’m sorry about that.  Now, how many can I put you down for?"

(Orioles fan)  Well, I think I’ll take two for that three game series with the Mariners.  You see they’ve get that guy you wouldn’t pay.  Eric Bedard.  And….

(Orioles ticket rep)  AAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Dial Tone)

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