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Archive for April, 2008
April 28, 2008 at 4:38 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
Baseball is an acquired taste. Best to have an older relative who knows the game and introduces you to it when you’re young. Otherwise you don’t learn to appreciate the subtle joy. The hidden moments that make it a game of the mind as well as the body.
Like a 1-0 game.
You don’t see these anymore. Nine inch pitching mounds, the DH, and obsessive compulsive managers have just about driven them out. But now and again, if you’re really lucky….
Sunday in Cleveland. The Yankees come to town and the tumblers fall into place. Two number one starters, Chien-Ming Wang and C.C. Sabathia, both on their game.
Yankees up first get two on. Damon on a single and Rodriquez with a walk. Here’s the problem for the Yankees. Sabathia has no need to pitch to Rodriquez with Shelly Duncan hitting behind him. Plus, Sabathia’s stuff is impressive. Five foul balls, an early sign the hitters can’t get around.
Delluci gets a hit to start the Indians half, Hafner walks, Garko can’t come close to Wang’s slider. The tipoff. Five batters and five looking strikes on the first pitch. It’s a Money Ball game, but seriously, sometimes the first pitch is the best to hit.
The second passes, 3 up and down both sides. Garko, having one of those days, puts Damon on with an error in the third. No problem, Sabathia puts down Jeter and Abreu. Michaels doubles and goes to third on a passed ball by Molina. Molina is wearing sunglasses under his mask and looks like the warning label on some industrial chemical. Hafner, a lifetime .300 hitter batting .226, leaves Michaels at third when he can’t get the ball out of the infield.
The Indians get a runner on in their half of the fourth, then Wang strikes out the side on 14 pitches. Wang has heavy stuff, mainly a slider with bite, that he spots low. As he throws more pitches he actually gets better because the ball stays down.
You go into the 5th thinking the Indians will break through and score. Sabathia has given up only one hit, and that to open the game. Robinson Cannot (Cano) is up, hitting a robust .157. He gets kind of sort of infield hit, immediately realizes what he has done and gets picked off. And then comes Melky Cabrera.
Cabrera is fate’s way of having a laugh at the Yankees expense. New York could have acquired Johan Santana but no, Cashman would part with Cabrera or Hughes but not both. So fate is sitting in the stands in Cleveland out in left field, working on its tan and enjoying a glorious sunny day and starts feeling bad about Cano, bad about the Mets having Santana, bad about an AL East with the Orioles in first. What the heck, give them a home run.
Cano broke the rhythm. That’s all I can figure. Sabathia is confused by Cano getting on base. Cano is confused by Cano getting on base. Then the pickoff. Time stops to ponder absurdity. So Sabathia grooves a fastball that Cabrera deposits in the left field bleachers. Being neither drunks nor buffoons, the well mannered Indian fans keep the ball. 1-0 Yankees.
So that’s the play of the game? No. This is. Last of the 5th, Gutierrez singles to left. Tight game, Wang is pitching well, the Indians decide to have Michaels bunt the man over. Runner on second, one out, a fair exchange. Then Girardi, or Molina, wins the game. The first pitch is high and tight and backs Michaels out. And just that easy, the Indians get the idea they won’t get a pitch to bunt and put the hit sign back on.
But there is still the matter of second base. Wedge sends Gutierrez, who is thrown out. Michaels strikes out, Delluci walks. Now take that inside pitch away. You’d now have two on, one out. Instead, two out one one. Cabrera (2nd base, Indians) goes down swinging.
Sabathia awakes. After Jeter opens the Yankee 6th with a double and Abreu (a lefty) hits the ball to the right side to move him over, Rodriquez and Duncan give a neighborly wave before quietly exiting. Garko gets hit in the Indians half of the inning but no damage. Still 1-0.
The seventh passes with 1-2-3 innings on both sides. Wang is at 113 pitches, but has an inning left if required. After the Yankees politely bow to Sabathia in the 8th, Girardi has a decision. But not much of one. Joba Chamberlain is in for Wang.
Overmatched is overused. A major league hitter should seldom be overmatched. The Indians were. Delucci fouled out. Why Cabrera even brought a bat with him to the plate is a subject for conjecture (three pitch strikeout). Hafner does his best imitation of a road sign watching a Mercedes roar past and is down looking.
Ninth inning. The Indians bring in Kobayashi (not the competitive eater, the pitcher). Abreu, Rodriquez, Duncan all place the ball in the air in some tepid form. Death to flying things and on to the last of the 9th.
Rivera is in and the announcers drone on about all the leads he has protected. Shakespeare said there is nothing good or bad that thinking does not make it so. The expectation of failure hung in the air. Maybe Rivera is that good, maybe teams expect to lose when he comes in.
Martinez goes all in and flys to right on the first pitch. Garko strikes out looking, although for what it is unclear. Peralta fouls three off and as much in resignation as contemplation leaves his bat on his shoulder for a third strike.
There was just one run and that was enough.
New York 0-0-0-0-1-0-0-0-0 1 4 0
Cleveland 0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0 0 4 1
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April 27, 2008 at 7:45 am · Filed under Uncategorized
To create a mock draft is to never say "I’m sorry"
The ritual goes like this. Six weeks of combine times, Wonderlic scores, then the draft, and then two weeks of the same "experts" grading the draft and giving low scores to the teams who made them look as wrong as Paris Hilton on a pig farm.
Not that everyone misses. This year’s draft was more predictable than most. There were only six real impact players available, maybe not that many. A decent pool of a dozen mid first round types. And then? The stuff that dreams and delusions are made of.
So here’s a quick rundown of what went according to plan and what cries out to be mocked in the first ten picks:
Jake Long (1) OT-Miami Everyone got that one. The signed contract gave it away.
Chris Long (2) DE-St. Louis. The experts and the Rams were in agreement. FOX’s "The Big List" had Dorsey of LSU in this spot, and that is exactly the pick the Rams should have made. But the Rams bought into all the "Howie’s Kid" hype and got a consistently good player from a pick that demands at least the possibility of greatness.
Matt Ryan (3) QB-Atlanta. Most mockers had Glenn Dorsey here. The Falcons went with Ryan. The pick was more about letting players and fans know they’ve moved on from Michael Vick, than about Ryan. When you see how far Brohm and Henne fell you want to use hindsight to advise the Falcons to take Dorsey and then trade back in later on to get one of those two. Unfortunately Atlanta neglected to bring a psychic to the draft room Saturday.
Darren McFadden (4) RB-Oakland. Did anyone in America not get this one right. McFadden carries more than just the football. He’s got enough baggage to be the perfect Oakland Raider, on the field and off. Something called "The Sports Exchange" had Sedric Ellis here. The pick was wrong, but the lovely fruit basket they received from Ellis’ agent made up for it.
Glenn Dorsey (5) DT-Kansas City. Nobody called this. Nobody, especially Dorsey, thought he’d still be available. I loved the live footage of Dorsey when he was selected by the Chiefs. He said the right things afterward, but his face gave it all away. He had that "Oh boy, I’ve always wanted to see the stockyards" look.
Vernon Gholston (6) DE-NY Jets. Most everyone had him a pick up or down from here. NFL.com had Leodis McKelvin. The same guys who start the closer panic runs in roto drafts always over rate cornerbacks.
Sedric Ellis (7) DT-New Orleans. Most had Ellis picked around 7 or 8, so no big surprise. FOX, writing from a laptop just outside the Saints draft room, even called the trade with New England that let them make the pick.
Derrick Harvey (8) DE-Jacksonville. Nobody had Harvey this high. On the broadcast the analysts showed Harvey in action and commented on his lack of size and strength. Those guys are good. Harvey seemed to actually grow smaller right there on my TV.
Keith Rivers (9) LB-Cincinnati. Everybody knew he was going to New England at #7. Everybody was wrong. The Bengals have the courage of their convictions going for them, and this time managed to draft a player without any.
Jerod Mayo (10) LB-New England. I suspect the Patriots are beginning to buy into the legend of their draft brilliance, taking a player rated as low as #32 by one expert. Mayo fits the Patrick WIllis (SF) pattern of a mobile linebacker who moved up on everyone’s list just before the draft. Whether he plays up to Willis’ level is the open question. As one of the many Belichick loathers I’m hoping he doesn’t.
From here on down we mock the mockers…
Ryan Clady (12) OT Denver. Prisco and Judge over at CBS Sportsline-This one’s for you. #5? You had a guy who played his career on blue Astro Turf at #5? Your "insider" status is now revoked. Rosencrantz and Gildenstern are dead.
Brandon Albert (15) G Kansas City. Show of hands from everyone who "knew" Alberts was going to Baltimore at #8. NFL.com, FOX. Raise them just a little higher, that’s good. The live video of Albert was priceless. This is a seriously unhappy human being. Albert and Dorsey will have much to talk about in KC.
Dominque Rodgers-Cromatrie (16) CB Arizona. The draft nicks nailed this one. Except for Mr. Stuebel at FOX who had his at #11 to the Bills. He neglected to figure that a small market team like Buffalo could not afford to sew that many letters on a Jersey.
Joe Flaco (18) QB Baltimore. Did anyone even have Flaco in the first round? Did the Arena Football League guys have Flaco in the first round? OK, where were the experts on this one? The truth is, this may be one of the best picks of the draft. Batlimore once had another young QB not on anyone’s list named Unitas. OK, Flaco’s not Unitas, but at 6′6" he could do a passable Roman Gabriel imitation.
The "We’re Just Not Into You That Way" award goes to DeSean Jackson, Limas Sweed, and Devin Thomas. Every mock draft I read had these three going in the first round. Thomas was even rated as high as (cough) #15. Maybe if Jackson had taken off those sun glasses while he was waiting with his family and friends he would have seen that he’s too small to be much more than a slot receiver in the NFL. The NFL did.
Mr. Baker (OT-Atlanta), Mr. Johnson (RB-Tenn), Mr. Brown (OT-Houston), Mr. Jackson (DE-Seattle), I’m sorry we don’t seem to have any reservations for you. You weren’t on any of the lists the experts left for us. There has obviously been some sort of misunderstanding.
There you have it. A round that will in history or infamy or mockery.
My money is on mockery.
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April 24, 2008 at 5:25 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
What to do about Katie.
Why not sports?
CBS News has tried everything to get someone, anyone, to watch the CBS Evening News With Katie Couric. Nothing works. Which raises the question-Would you continue to watch the NFL if Katie was doing play-by-play? Or sitting between Howie and Terry before the games?
This is why football is America’s #1 sport. Some are saying basketball is becoming the world’s (and America’s game) but I doubt Mr. Naismith’s game could survive Katie. The NFL and college football could. It wouldn’t be easy, it wouldn’t be fun, but we’d still watch football. With the sound off, but that’s just common sense.
Flip side. Couric joins the NBA and I’m out of here. Couric replaces Dick Vitale? I don’t care if it’s Duke and Carolina undefeated with Roy WIlliams promising to donate body parts to science with no anesthesia on live TV if they lose. I would not watch her in a bar. I would not listen in a car. I would not watch her on TV. I would not watch her, watch and see. (Oh wow, man, the Seuss flashbacks are starting again).
I would, however, watch Couric paired in the studio with Charles Barkley. You can just see the disgusted look on Sir Charles’ face. "Phoenix? You think Phoenix is going to shut down Duncan? You have to be out of your mind." ($50 says he’s make her cry). It’s one thing to interview the leader of Hamas, quite another to face down the big guy.
Baseball might survive Her Royal Perkiness (HRP). Nobody really listens to the announcers on TV games. It is a very relaxing sport and the voices of the announcers are just mild background noise. They could be saying anything.
For example:
"That one’s just a little outside to Jeter. 2-2. Say, did you ever figure out who the blonde was in your room this morning? That one’s a little high. 3-2. I’ve haven’t seen that much white powder in one place since they hired those kids from State College to line the bases, that’s a bouncer to Renteria, 6-4, two down and Abreu coming up."
There might actually be a place in baseball for Couric. I’m thinking the hamster wheel contests between innings of minor league games. Doing the evening news? Dullsville. Heels over head in a plastic bubble? That I would watch.
CBS should actually consider trading her to the Versus Network to do NHL games. She could be there right now for all we know. How would anyone find out? You wouldn’t know she was missing from CBS because nobody is watching. You wouldn’t know she was doing NHL games for the same reason. If an anchor falls in the forest and nobody is watching, would it make a sound?
Soccer could work, but only if she learns Spanish and goes on Univision. NASCAR is probably not an option, but the interview with Tony Stewart would be interesting. The Pro Bowler’s Tour? That might actually work.
The moral of the story? Count your blessings. As bad as sports announcers are, they aren’t network news anchors. So here’s to you Skip, Charles, Dick, Howie, and Tim. You aren’t much, but you sure beat the alternative.
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April 23, 2008 at 4:09 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
Have to get used to saying that.
The sports media is having a field day criticizing Hank Steinbrenner for saying Joba Chamberlain should be in the Yankees rotation. Speculation has already begun on where Brian Cashman will end up after he quits the Bombers in righteous indignation over little Stein’s meddling.
Nonsense.
First off, baseball is the family business. A business the senior Steinbrenner managed fairly well for a number of years. Was George wrong and rash and rude? Sometimes all at the same time. But there is a fair amount of hardware in the trophy case thanks to his spending and maybe just a little because he wasn’t afraid to shake things up.
So now Hank can’t follow in his dad’s footsteps? Cashman is beyond criticism? Joe Girardi should have a lifetime contract free of suggestions from the big guy?
The media would portray Cashman and Girardi as modern day versions of Scarlett O’Hara. "Why, ah declair, ah must lie down. Mistah Steinbrenner has spoken most unkindly to me and ah believe ah have the vapors."
These guys are being paid to take orders, and they are also paid to have enough backbone to push back when the advice they are being offered is bad. Somehow I think the Yankee management team will survive.
And consider this. Hank Steinbrenner ended the Joe Torre years in the Bronx. It wasn’t popular, it wasn’t what the media wanted, but it was time and it needed to be done. And Hank did it. At this point last season New York was having similar pitching woes and imploded while the ever serene Torre took no risks.
It’s April 2008 and the Yankees are 11-10. The professionals say Phil Hughes and Ian Kennedy deserve patience while they struggle to bring their ERA’s under 8.00. Steinbrenner says put Chamberlain in the rotation.
Why not?
The RedSox are 15-7, the Yankees 3 1/2 back. How far does New York fall behind while "the plan" for Chamberlain rocks along? 7 games? Ten games? Until you make the inevitable move and then listen to the same media types proclaim it is a sign of panic?
But what about the 8th inning? The 8th inning is just that. One inning. An inning you are either ahead or behind in. An inning that takes care of itself at 90% of the time no matter who the reliever is.
Why is it starters go seven, setup men bridge the 8th, and closers must be brought in during the 9th? Because mind numb managers have been programmed to repeat the formula by rote until they end up believing it. Which is one more reason why managers, including Joe Torre, seldom have any impact on the outcome of pennant races.
Imagine it is 1938. The Indians have a wild right hander named Bob Feller who can occasionally hit either side of 100 mph. What did they do with the 19 year old? They pitched him. And pitched him again until he struck out 240, walked 208, and somehow managed to learn what the game was about.
In 2008 a 22 year old is treated like a piece of porcelain. A pitcher who struck out 169 batters in 113 professional innings last season is reserved for portions of the game which do not determine the outcome. It is what 99% of GM’s would do. It’s what 95% of managers would do. And it is wrong, unnecessary, and ultimately will push back Chamberlain’s progress as what everyone envisions him to be.
A starter.
If you go to the pond there’s two things you can do. Fish or cut bait. Hank Steinbrenner wants to fish. And I’m alright with that.
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April 21, 2008 at 5:48 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
(Fanfare) ESPN’s 29th Annual Coverage of the NFL Draft.
(Chris Berman) Chris Berman here and it’s time for us to go back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back, back……
(Off mike) Someone slap him he’s stuck again.
(Mel Kiper Jr.) I’m on it. (Knocks Berman to the floor).
(Berman)….With draft expert Mel "the Kipper" Kiper Jr.
(Kiper Jr.) I really wish you wouldn’t call me that. What is a kipper, anyway?
(Berman) It’s a gutless, salted, fish.
(Todd McShay) Sounds about right to me, Chris.
(Berman) And we’re joined by draft expert Todd Mc da knife McShay…
(Kiper Jr.) Somebody tell the Berminator Bobby Darin is dead and so’s his career if he calls me a fish again..
(McShay) At least he’s not hanging around Canton waiting for Mike Williams’ Hall of Fame induction.
(Kiper, Jr.) I’ve been waiting for this, the voice of Swampscott High trying to tell ME, Mel Kiper, Jr. about talent.
(McShay) Two words Kiper, two words. Akili Smith.
(Kiper, Jr.) If you weren’t on "Cold Pizza" you’d be delivering cold pizza loser.
(Berman) Let’s go to the Cowboys War Room where Jerry Jones is with our Linda Cohn. Linda?
(Cohn) And if either of them has even SEEN a football game. Oh, sorry Chris, I’m here with Cowboys owner and GM Jerry Jones. Jerry, the Cowboys came so close last year. What are you looking to add during the draft to get to the Super Bowl?
(Jones, Jr.) Suzie, over the last year we’ve reestablished our core values as an organization. It’s not about winning and losing, it’s about trading up and down until someone recognizes my genius as a GM. It’s really all about me, and if I want to trade two first round picks and the statue of Tom Landry to get the best Razorback available, then that’s what I’ll do. It’s Jerry time, Michele, Jerry time.
(Berman) Enlightening comments from Jerry, Nathan Jones You Been Gone Too Long, Jones. Thanks, Colleen. Now, let’s go to live video feed of the Miami Dolphins war room where Bill "United Parcel Service" Parcels is talking to his scouts.
(Parcels) Whatdoyou mean I’m funny?
(Scout) It’s funny, you know, it’s a great story. You’re a funny guy.
(Parcels) You mean the way I talk, what?
(Jeff Ireland) You got it wrong, Bill.
(Parcels) Hold it Jeff. He’s a big boy, he knows what he said, what did you say? Funny how?
(Scout) Just, you know, you’re funny.
(Parcels) Help me understand this, cause maybe I’m a little messed up. I’m funny how? I’m funny like a clown? Do I amuse you? I make you laugh? I’m here to (bleep) amuse you?
(Scout) No, no, it’s just, it’s just.
(Parcels) See, I had you goin’. I had you goin’. You’d fold under pressure. Get this bum out of here. I’m drafting a tackle. Don’t need no (bleepin’) film to tell me to draft a (bleepin’) tackle. (Sees cameras and begins waving a pistol. Suddenly the video feed goes black).
(Berman) WIll the Dolphins go for help on the O-line or at quarterback? Let’s go to the Commish, Roger "Good Hands" Goodale with the announcement.
(Goodale) The Dolphins have traded the first pick in the 2008 NFL Draft to the Tennessee Titans for the rights to cornerback Adam Jones.
(Crowd gasps)
(Goodale) What, I can’t have some fun? Seriously, Pac if you’re listening, don’t worry about being traded. Heck, don’t worry about playing football. Ever. Anywhere. Cause that’s just how "I" roll. Just kidding, with the first pick in the 2008 NFL draft the Dolphins take Jake Long, an offensive tackle from the University of Michigan.
(Berman) So the Dolphins take Jake the Snake, Jake the J-Man, the Jakinator, the Jakester, the Long and Winding Jake, the..
(Booth) Go to commercial…Mel, can you hit the reset on Chris?
(Berman) Jake and the Fatman, My Jakey Breaky Heart, Jakerooni….
(Kiper) It’s not working, it’s not working.
(Booth) The one BEHIND his ear. Not IN the ear, BEHIND the ear.
(McShay) Mel, maybe you could fill some time telling them why Ryan Leaf’s attitude was just right for the NFL.
(Kiper) That’s it, right here, right now, you’d better run.
(McShay) How fast would you say I’m running Kiper, as fast as J.J. Stokes?
(Berman) The Jake-O-Lantern, The Jake, The Jake, the Jake? Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan….
(Booth) Could somebody go get Dana or Suzie or Laura or whatever her name is up here?
(Berman) Ja…Ja…Ja…Jive Talkin……
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April 20, 2008 at 6:20 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
So I’m sitting here watching Andre Iguodala being force fed a leather basketball by Rasheed Wallace. The question is a simple one. Is anyone watching?
NBA playoff TV ratings have fallen off the map over the last five years. We’re not talking Lawrence Welk reruns on the local PBS outlet, but American Idol’s ratings would do to the NBA’s what Rasheed just did to Sir Vowels Alot.
While much of America is getting the rust of the grill, and trying to figure out if the price of gasoline will let the family get beyond the state line for this year’s vacation, the NBA is hoping this is the year they get the Lakers and Celtics and some ratings for a change.
I will watch, no matter who makes it to the finals.
I am fresh and rested going in, not having watched hardly any of the regular season. And that’s part of the problem. The regular season is now one long exhibition season, with most media action revolving around LeBron and Kobe. The Celtics came on the radar this season, but seriously, who got more media attention this year-Isiah Thomas or Kevin Garnett?
The NBA should just cut the number of games to 60 and follow up with one big playoff with every team in the league getting a piece of the action. Seed the playoffs based on overall records and forget about conference records. Do we really need 82 games to determine the Knicks won’t be in the playoffs. Show of hands for anyone who didn’t know that in October.
Sound extreme? This year’s playoffs will feature the giants of the Western Conference and the dwarfs of the East. In other words, get ready for some great ball over the next three weeks followed by the giant sleep aid known as the Lakers and Magic.
The league wants LA-Boston, but could end up with the Hornets and Pistons. David Stern hopes all the viewers who think Mos Def is a typographical error will see the matchup and think Bird and Magic are back and come running back to their sets.
Dream on.
The best matchups (the ones out West) are going to play out early. Reseeding after each round based on regular season records might have helped, but the league wants to maintain the fiction they have two conferences worth of elite players (they don’t).
After some great matchups out West we’re going to move to the annual mystery of how long it will take LeBron James "international icon" to disappear along with the Cavaliers. Along the way the Celtics will make a run, then fade, and Orlando or Detroit will emerge.
And then the finals. Four oh or four one, it won’t be fun to watch. The nightmare scenario for the league is New Orleans-Orlando, with ratings about those for a rerun of "Family Matters" with Steve Urkel. It could happen.
But don’t let that discourage you. The battles out West are going to be intense, the talent on the floor outstanding. It will be three weeks of great action, the way the playoffs are supposed to be.
It’s just going to end too soon.
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April 19, 2008 at 2:51 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
(Notes from session 4-16-08 with "Patient X", a professional baseball manager.)
Let me just adjust those electrodes. Is that comfortable?
I think so. Are you sure this is in my contract?
You really do need to read the fine print. OK, let’s begin. You’re up 4-0 going into the 9th, your starter has a 4 hitter and has thrown 109 pitches. What do you do?
I bring in the closer. Ouch, that hurt.
Just a mild electrical stimulation, and it’s all done to help you not hurt you. Now, let me ask you again. Going into the bottom of the 9th.
Light’s out time, I bring in the….hey I didn’t say I was going to bring in the closer. Cut that out!
See, you said the words "bring in the closer". It’s not intent we’re talking about here. We’re trying to correct the bad behavior associated with those words. We want to condition you so that the memory of that jolt is retained for when a similar situation presents itself. Now, what do you do?
I do what every manager in baseball does!
And that is?
I bring in the closer. Ow….turn it off, turn it off. You tricked me.
No, you are causing this pain for yourself. You’ve seen the situation, you’ve seen a perfectly good lead blow up, Still you go back to the source of your pain. Why do you think that is?
Doc, bad things happen if you leave a pitcher in for the 9th inning.
Now, we’re getting somewhere. If you leave the starter in what bad thing happens?
I don’t know. But, it’s bad. Read bad.
And these bad things that happen cause you feelings of guilt?
(Patient is now curled into fetal position on couch reciting what appears to be some kind of mantra). Lefty-lefty, righty-righty, specialist if we need to get out of the 7th, setup man in the 8th, closer in the 9th. Lefty-lefty, righty-righty, lefty-lefty-righty-righty, lefty-lefty. A defensive catcher is worth a half point on ERA, good clubhouse man, good clubhouse man, 12, no 13 pitchers, yes, 13 pitchers. Lefty-lefty, righty-righty, nothing but smoke in the late innings, 100 pitches he’s done, he’s done, 100 pitches, lefty-lefty, righty-righty.
Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!
Why did you do that, I didn’t say anything about the bringing in the closer.
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The pain, make it stop. Why are you doing that? Mommy, I smell bacon. Are we having pancakes? Why is uncle Frank here again?
Did you say something? Oh, I’m sorry, it’s this Blackberry. You get hooked on it, the messages just keep coming wherever you’re at. I must have sat on the remote.
(Sobbing) I did the right thing the other night. I did what I was supposed to do.
And that was?
I’m not falling for that again.
See, now we’re making progress. I’m going to show you some pictures and you tell me what you see?
A dangerous hitter who can steal a win from us.
No……that is a baseball card of Eric Bruntlett. And this….
A power hitter who will tee off on my starter if I leave him in.
That was a photo of Hilary Clinton. Do you find women threatening?
You can’t fool me. Look at those legs, that’s where the power comes from. If my starter leaves one over the plate she could go yard.
She’s sixty years old.
Oh, yeah, then what’s she doing wearing that Cubs cap. I’m telling you, I think I’ve seen this woman when I was managing at Waterloo.
So much for the Rorhsach test.
My friend Milt was managing in the minors and left a starter in until the 9th. He died. Is that what you want? You want me dead?
We’ve been through this. He was rolled over by a human hamster wheel in between innings.
That’s what they want you to believe.
Who wants you to believe?
The people who don’t want you to bring the closer in during the 9th. YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSONOFA>>>>>>>>….
Go back to the touch stones. What have we learned?
We become the pain we bring on ourselves. Winners never quit and quitters never win. The drink I have at 2 a.m. won’t fix the problem I had at 10:30.
OK, our time is up. Before our next session I want you to practice visualizing yourself walking out to the mound to congratulate your starter at the end of the game. Start your pitch count log in the 2nd inning. And call your parents and tell them how it made you feel when they walked out of your high school games early. I think that’s going to be a breakthrough moment for you.
Next week we’ll try and figure out why you think of Woody Allen movies when you’re with a woman.
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April 17, 2008 at 5:47 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
Every April baseball honors Jackie Robinson, the man who broke the color barrier.
No, that’s not right. What is a "color barrier"? Makes it sound like he ran through some light device in a laboratory. Too trivial and too clincal a description by half.
Robinson ended baseball’s segregation. That comes closer.
Jackie Robinson wasn’t the first, because you can go back to Moses Fleetwood Walker in the 1800’s, and several Latin American players managers somehow got in during the early days of the game. "But, you don’t understand. He’s Cuban."
Not the point, either. I don’t believe Jackie Robinson got into baseball just to advance society. And I don’t believe he would want to be remembered as merely a ground breaker. Robinson, from all I’ve read, wanted to be a baseball player because he was good at it. Like most of us, he sought in his work the fullest expression of who he was.
And found it.
Lost in the retelling of the Robinson story is who #42 was on the field. Gap power, great eye, smart hitter. Not so fast as Joe Morgan, but better power and got on base more consistently. A Hall of Famer not merely as an historical footnote, but as one of the best of his era.
Who would you compare Robinson to today? The only name that comes to mind is Brandon Phillips of the Reds. If fantasy baseball had been around in the 1950’s (and as baseball crazy as the country was back then it’s amazing it wasn’t) Robinson would have been about a #8 pick in the first round, maybe higher.
As a fielder, harder to judge. All we have now from the record is range factor and double play stats. The double plays impress me, even if Robinson had the advantage of Pee Wee Reese beside him at shortstop. But logic says Robinson didn’t move to third, first, and left field for no good reason. If he was a great second baseman those moves wouldn’t have been made.
So here we are, sixty-one years on.
African-Americans can play the game, but don’t in significant numbers. Major League Baseball has retired the number 42. And the player Jackie Robinson is almost forgotten.
Here’s a video of Jackie Robinson in the 1955 World Series, stealing home against Whitey Ford. A great baseball brain marrying power and skill to a moment in time.
Enjoy the memory of Jackie Robinson. Second base, Brooklyn Dodgers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4RUQflfZ3L4&feature=related
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April 14, 2008 at 2:16 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
"So far we have not found a body. However, the New York Police Department asks that anyone with information on Mr. Urtiz’ whereabouts immediately phone the number shown on the screen.."
"What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully?. Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me."
"The radar gun does not lie. Five mph faster than Kenny Rogers."
"Some days I just feel like there’s a target on the side of my car. Oh, wait….."
"Come on guys, just 499 laps more. And somebody keep an eye out behind us."
"You think I’m joking, just watch me. Jason Bay overthrows the cutoff man one more time and I’m outta here."
"Although forced to tee off from inside a specially constructed pit at each hole, Woods remained in contention through the final round. Said Vinjay Singh ‘Next week a deeper pit.’"
"Honey, take off the helmet and come down to dinner. It’s only April. They’ll call, they always do."
"It was only then he realized something had gone horribly, horribly wrong."
"Last time we let Roseanne Barr sing ‘Oh, Canada."
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April 11, 2008 at 8:07 pm · Filed under Uncategorized
I’m shocked, shocked to find there is repression in China. Hold on a minute while I count my winnings.
Or so the International Olympic Committee seems to be saying in the wake of Chinese back stepping on human rights promises, and international protests over Tibet. Gerhard Heiburg,
Norway’s IOC member, went so far as to say working with China was proving “more difficult than we
originally thought”.
Do tell.
Back home, an American softball player came out against boycotting the Olympics saying it would be wrong to deny athletes their dreams. No word on what she thought about the dream of free speech, practice of religion, or the right to have more than one child. Not her table, please move to another section.
Bud Selig, the great moral authority trying to save baseball from a steroid problem executives purposefully ignored for over a decade, is recently back from China. His keen powers of observation still greatly evident after going to a Dodgers exhibition game where he somehow didn’t notice the police roaming the stands questioning people about what the banners they held up meant.
Out on the political left in this country there is outrage that China is exerting it’s control over Tibet. Tibet and the Dalai Lama represent exotic spiritual mystery to people who have dedicated themselves to the great moral crusade of stamping out prayer before US high school football games. Buddhists count, but not Christians secretly meeting in homes across China trembling in fear of the government knocking on their door.
"Step out of line the man come and take you away."
Shakespeare has become a good friend of mine over the years. What was it the old boy said, "A plague on both your houses". Or in this case, all our houses.
Just who did the Olympic Committee think they were dealing with when they awarded the Olympics to China in the first place? Give the Chinese government it’s due as perhaps the only honest entity in this sorry story. They believe what they believe and make no secret of their attitudes.
Where were all the media types and self-appointed guardians of international virtue when the announcement of the games was made? What did they not know then about China or Tibet that they know now?
Who are the athletes kidding when they say how much the Olympics can change the world, and then refuse to take a stand against the injustice of holding the games in a totalitarian state?
What do the IOC, Selig, and the American business community all have in common? They see fortunes to be made and want to go along for the ride. Then again, it’s a ride we’re all on, buying an endless range of Chinese made goods.
So now we’re excited about the Olympics? Tibet?
Now we feel the need for some moral outrage?
Give me a break.
Have the Olympics in China. Don’t have the Olympics in China. It won’t change things in Tibet. It won’t change things in China. If anything, it provides a reason to round up the usual suspects for the duration of the games.
You want to protest holding the Olympics in China?
Forget about doing it through the athletes. They’ve trained for years to get to Beijing. It isn’t realistic to think they will turn back now.
Start by turning your TV to another channel during the Olympics. It’s a two for one. You send a message to the Chinese by not watching theirs. You might also wake up the networks and their sponsors. If you are planning a trip to the Olympics, don’t go. If you’re thinking about buying Olympic merchandise, don’t.
Whatever you do, don’t expect any obvious change in China. It is still essentially a closed society carefully feeling its way forward from at least 100 years behind the Western World. Change happens incrementally in China, and only when the Chinese have concluded it is in their best interest.
History will record China went astray by following the wrong Marx (Karl instead of Groucho). Groucho’s philosophy was much more realistic and the man knew the value of a good cigar. So here we are, a few million dead here and there from the odd purge along the way and one long march toward an unknown future.
Should we care about the Chinese Olympics, or their reaction to our reactions? To paraphrase Rick Blaine in ‘Casblanca’, "Let me know when they get to Brooklyn."
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